Funny Jokes- student

A student comes to a young professor's office hours.

She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.

"I would do anything to pass this exam."

She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.

"I mean..." she whispers, "

I would do...anything."

He returns her gaze.

"Anything?"

Anything."

His voice softens.

"Anything??"

"Absolutely anything."

His voice turns to a whisper.

"Would you...study?"

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Funny jokes- wife

 A man, his wife and a good-looking stranger are stranded on a desert island.
The wife quickly loses interest in her husband and begins flirting with the good-looking stranger.
The three start to build a watchtower.
The stranger offers to take first watch.
While the husband and wife gather driftwood on the sand, the stranger yells, "Hey! No sex on the beach! Get back to work!"
The husband yells back, "We're not having sex!"
Later, the stranger yells out to them again.
Again, the husband yells back and corrects him.
This happens several times during the stranger's shift.
Finally, the husband's takes his shift in the watch tower.
His wife and the good-looking stranger make passionate love on the beach.
The husband on watch exclaims, "Wow, it really does look like f**king from up here!"

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Funny Jokes-Husband

 A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?"

The husband said, "No sweetie."

The woman said, "I'm sure you would."

So the man said, "Okay, I would"

Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?"

And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so."

Then the wife asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?"

And the husband replied, "No, she's left-handed."

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Best Funny Jokes- Marraige

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel."

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

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Funny Jokes-Women

 Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.
The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it.
Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.
The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!"
"That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"

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Funny Jokes- Military

 

A soldier serving overseas far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote to break off their engagement and ask for her photograph back.

He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together, and sent them back with a note saying, “I regret that I cannot remember which one you are.

Please keep your photo and return the others.”

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Funny Joke A Little Johnny.

 

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger.

"How about nuclear power?"

"OK," said Little Johnny.

"That could be an interesting topic.But let me ask you a question first."

"A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass.

The same stuff.

Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass.

Why do you suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the stranger.

"I have no idea."

"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

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