A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. Funny Jokes

 

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said, "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair." The girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister, "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiled and said, "That’s nothing; mine is already eating bananas."

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Wife: "In my dream- Funny Jokes

 Wife: "In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring." Husband: "I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill."

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Pregnant woman- Funny Jokes

 

A 3-year-old boy sits near a pregnant woman. Boy: Why do you look so fat? Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me. Boy: Is it a good baby? Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby. Boy: Then why did you eat it?!

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Two strangers meet on a golf. Funny Jokes

 Two strangers meet on a golf course and decide to play together.

One man says, "I'm a salesman.

What about you?"

"I'm a hit man for the mob," replies the second man.

He pulls out a high-powered rifle loaded with scopes and sights.

He then asks the man where he lives.

Nervously, the first man replies, "In a subdivision just west of here. Gray roof, yellow siding."

"You got a silver compact and a red pickup?"

"The compact is my wife's car, but that's my buddy Jeff's truck."

The hit man looks through the scope again. "Well, they're going at it like teenagers in your bedroom."

"I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot him in the balls."

The hit man says, "I get paid $5,000 per shot."

"I don't care! Just do it!"

The hit man takes careful aim and says, "This is your lucky day.

You're going to get a two for one!"

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An elderly couple are in church. Jokes

 An elderly couple are in church. The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, "I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?" The husband replies, "First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!"

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A child asked his father- Funny Jokes

 

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

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One day, a man came home -Funny Jokes

 One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in stunningly sexy lingerie. "Tie me up," she purred, "And you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.

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A guy and his wife are sitting and watching -Funny Jokes

 A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!” “Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.”

x

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Three guys go to a ski lodge- Funny Jokes

 Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

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Tyrone' s 1st day at School- Funny Jokes

Tyrone' s 1st day in the first grade he comes home crying.

When his mother ask why he replays.
"The teacher told us to say our abc' s and all the little white boys could say them and I could only get to e why is that."
Mom says "cause u black and they white."
Next day Tyrone is crying again .
"What's wrong today Tyrone" his mother ask.
Tyrone said "teacher told us to count to 100 and all the little white boys did but I could only get to 10 why is that."
Mom says "cause u black and they white."
Next day he comes home smiling.
"What happened today Tyrone?"
Tyrone says mama "we went to the bathroom and my thing was biggest of all . Is that cause I'm black and they white."
Mama says "no Tyrone it's cause u 17 and they 6."

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Bill has worked in a pickle factory.

 Bill has worked in a pickle factory for several years.

One day he confesses to his wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggests that he see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill vows to overcome this rash desire on his own.

A few weeks later, Bill returns home absolutely ashen.

His wife asks, "What's wrong, Bill?"

"Do you remember how I told you about my tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"

His wife gasps, "My God, Bill, what happened?"

"I got fired."

"No, Bill I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"

"Oh, um, she got fired, too."

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Jim decided to propose to Sandy-Funny Joke

 Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance.

Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness.

She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 years old.

He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much.

“I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married.”

She said, “Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant penis.”

Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait so Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touch teasing, holding one

another.

As Sandy put her hands in Jim’s pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room!

Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong.

She said, “You told me your penis was the size of an infant!”

“Yes it is: 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!”

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A wife got so mad at her husband -Funny Joke

 A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.

As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death."

He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"

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A nice respectable lady Funny jokes.

 

A nice respectable lady with a savory smell of perfume got on the bus and took a seat beside me.

After some moments I dared to ask her: "Excuse me lady do you mind me please to ask you what is the name of this perfume and where did you buy it from? I want to buy one for my wife."

The lady responded: "It is Chanel and from Paris."

After about ten minutes later I felt a strong wind in my belly so I slowly blew it out.

Some seconds later she broke and said: "Offf... what is this smell my God"?

I said: "Gar lic and from Gilroy city in California."

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Best Travel Funny Jokes.

 A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

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Celebrate College Graduation Jokes.

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation.

They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning – though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words.
She says, “I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.”
They throw the switch and nothing happens.
They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words.
“I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.”
They throw the switch and again, nothing happens.
Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.
The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, “Well, I’m from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right now, ya’ll ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in.”

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Happy Valentine Day Jokes.

 

Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day.
"Yes," came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, "I've bought her a belt and a bag."
"That was very kind of you," Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought."
Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."

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Best Valentine's day Jokes.

 

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetie for Valentine's Day.

As they had not been dating very long, it was a very difficult decision.

After careful consideration, he decided a good gift would be a pair of gloves.

Accompanied by his sister, he went to the store and bought the gloves.

His sister purchased a pair of panties at the same time.

The clerk carefully wrapped both items but in the process got them mixed up.

The sister was handed the gloves and the young man got the panties.

The young man mailed his Valentine's Day gift with the following note:

"This special Valentines Day gift was chosen because I noticed you are in the habit of not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister, I would have chosen the ones with buttons, but she prefers short ones that are much easier to remove.

These are a lovely shade, the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and they looked quite lovely."

I wish I was there to put them on you for the first time; no doubt, other hands will come into contact with them before I have a chance to see you again."

When you take them off, remember to blow on them lightly before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.

Just think how many times I'll be kissing them in the future. I hope you'll wear them Friday night for me."

Love, Cuddle Bear

PS: The sales lady says the latest style is to wear them folded down with just a little fur showing.

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Can I Help You? -Funny Jokes

 A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads:

CHEESEBURGER: $1.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50

HAND JOB: $10.00

He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks.

"Can I help you?" she asks.

"I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"

"Yes," she purrs. "I am."

The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

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Little Johnny got up to read his- Funny Jokes

The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.

Little Johnny got up to read his.

It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week."

"Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?"

"He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."

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