A man and his wife funny joke.

 A man and his wife were traveling down the highway when they saw the lights of a patrol car behind them.

When they pulled over, the patrol man came up to the window and said,

"I am going to give you two tickets. One because you were speeding and one because you didn't have your seat belt fastened."

The man said, "I did too have my seat belt fastened. I just loosened it when you came up to the car."

The Patrol Man said to the man's wife, "I know he didn't have his seatbelt fastened. Isn't that right, lady?"

She replied,

"Well, officer. I learned a long time ago not to argue with my husband when he's drunk."

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A stranger and Little Johnny funny joke.

 

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger.

"How about nuclear power?"

"OK," said Little Johnny.

"That could be an interesting topic.But let me ask you a question first."

"A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass.

The same stuff.

Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass.

Why do you suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the stranger.

"I have no idea."

"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

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A new teacher funny joke.

 

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.

She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

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A job interviews Funny jokes.

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The Engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer enquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

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Funny Jokes About programmer

 Wikipedia: I know everything!

Google: I have everything!

Facebook: I know everybody!

Internet: Without me you are nothing

Electricity: Keep talking bitches!

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Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher-Funny Joke

 

Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water.
The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed.
He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass.
It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died.
"Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked.
Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"

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A priest was driving down the road one day -Funny Joke

 

A priest was driving down the road one day when getting stopped by a cop.
The cop smelled alcohol on the priest's breath and saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He said to the priest, "Father, have you been drinking?"
The priest replied, "Only water, officer."
The cop then asked him, "Then why can I smell wine?"
The priest looked at the bottle and said, "Good Lord! He's done it again."

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