Jim decided to propose to Sandy-Funny Joke

 Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance.

Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness.

She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 years old.

He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much.

“I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married.”

She said, “Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant penis.”

Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait so Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touch teasing, holding one

another.

As Sandy put her hands in Jim’s pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room!

Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong.

She said, “You told me your penis was the size of an infant!”

“Yes it is: 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!”

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A wife got so mad at her husband -Funny Joke

 A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.

As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death."

He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"

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A nice respectable lady Funny jokes.

 

A nice respectable lady with a savory smell of perfume got on the bus and took a seat beside me.

After some moments I dared to ask her: "Excuse me lady do you mind me please to ask you what is the name of this perfume and where did you buy it from? I want to buy one for my wife."

The lady responded: "It is Chanel and from Paris."

After about ten minutes later I felt a strong wind in my belly so I slowly blew it out.

Some seconds later she broke and said: "Offf... what is this smell my God"?

I said: "Gar lic and from Gilroy city in California."

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Best Travel Funny Jokes.

 A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

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Celebrate College Graduation Jokes.

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation.

They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning – though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words.
She says, “I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.”
They throw the switch and nothing happens.
They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words.
“I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.”
They throw the switch and again, nothing happens.
Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.
The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, “Well, I’m from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right now, ya’ll ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in.”

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Happy Valentine Day Jokes.

 

Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day.
"Yes," came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, "I've bought her a belt and a bag."
"That was very kind of you," Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought."
Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."

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Best Valentine's day Jokes.

 

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetie for Valentine's Day.

As they had not been dating very long, it was a very difficult decision.

After careful consideration, he decided a good gift would be a pair of gloves.

Accompanied by his sister, he went to the store and bought the gloves.

His sister purchased a pair of panties at the same time.

The clerk carefully wrapped both items but in the process got them mixed up.

The sister was handed the gloves and the young man got the panties.

The young man mailed his Valentine's Day gift with the following note:

"This special Valentines Day gift was chosen because I noticed you are in the habit of not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister, I would have chosen the ones with buttons, but she prefers short ones that are much easier to remove.

These are a lovely shade, the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and they looked quite lovely."

I wish I was there to put them on you for the first time; no doubt, other hands will come into contact with them before I have a chance to see you again."

When you take them off, remember to blow on them lightly before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.

Just think how many times I'll be kissing them in the future. I hope you'll wear them Friday night for me."

Love, Cuddle Bear

PS: The sales lady says the latest style is to wear them folded down with just a little fur showing.

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