Can I Help You? -Funny Jokes

 A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads:

CHEESEBURGER: $1.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50

HAND JOB: $10.00

He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks.

"Can I help you?" she asks.

"I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"

"Yes," she purrs. "I am."

The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

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Little Johnny got up to read his- Funny Jokes

The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.

Little Johnny got up to read his.

It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week."

"Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?"

"He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."

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Daddy, daddy-Funny Jokes

 Billy, learned at school that everybody has secrets.

So, he decided to take advantage of it.
One day, as he came home from school, he went in front of his mother and told her: "Mommy, mommy! I know everything!"
His mom, obviously scared to death: "Here, take a 100 euros and say NOTHING to your father about it, okay?"
"Okay mommy!" says Billy and leaves the room with a big smile on his face.
When his dad came from work, he did the same to him as well: "Daddy, daddy! I found out everything!"
Numb, his father puts his hand on his pocket: "Here, take a 100 euros and say NOTHING to your mother, okay?"
"Okay!" says Billy with a bigger smile on his face.
The next morning, on his way to school, he sees the Postman.
He thought he could try it to him too: "Mr. Focker, I know everything!"
The Postman, the minute he heard it, fell on his knees and wide opened his arms: "Then, come... Come closer... My son!"

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This is for all my people- Funny Jokes

On the roof of a very tall building are four men; one is asian, one is mexican, one is black, and the last one is white.

The asian walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and jumps off the roof.

Next, the mexican walks to the ledge and also says, "This is for all my people" and then he jumps off the roof.

Next is the black guy's turn.

The black guy walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and then throws the white guy off the roof.

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Your computer is upgraded- Funny jokes.

 Q: How do you know if a Chinese tried to rob your house?

A: You get home and your maths homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and two hours later He is still trying to back out of your driveway.

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A man and his wife funny joke.

 A man and his wife were traveling down the highway when they saw the lights of a patrol car behind them.

When they pulled over, the patrol man came up to the window and said,

"I am going to give you two tickets. One because you were speeding and one because you didn't have your seat belt fastened."

The man said, "I did too have my seat belt fastened. I just loosened it when you came up to the car."

The Patrol Man said to the man's wife, "I know he didn't have his seatbelt fastened. Isn't that right, lady?"

She replied,

"Well, officer. I learned a long time ago not to argue with my husband when he's drunk."

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A stranger and Little Johnny funny joke.

 

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger.

"How about nuclear power?"

"OK," said Little Johnny.

"That could be an interesting topic.But let me ask you a question first."

"A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass.

The same stuff.

Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass.

Why do you suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the stranger.

"I have no idea."

"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

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